So, I was talking to my best friend about mental illnesses when he made a remark similar to many remarks I have heard in my lifetime. “Everybody gets sad.” Can I say, with feeling, that this is the most depreciating remark I’ve heard so far?
It’s depreciating because of its relevance to said subject, so, I broke it down for him. In a way, I think you would find interesting. I asked him to give me a scenario in which he would be very sad or angry. He gave me a good example of a fight between him and his lady.
“She told me I had ruined her day, so she would ruin mine.”
This having been an already trying date for him he found this a bit harsh and lost his “temper”, said some naughty words at the situation and then went home to contemplate the events of the day. He was very upset, confused, and sad. Even to the point of pondering suicide. The next day he was a bit less upset and by the third day he was over it and planning another date.
Yes. Everybody gets sad sometimes. People end relationships and have fights with family. Some will experience loss and others will lose everything. Everyone who is human experiences some kind of emotion on a daily basis. How they handle that emotion is based on their individual personality traits, skills and environment they were raised in.
“The first thing that would happen is I would have done more than just say a couple expletives and go home. It would have been a full on screaming match in the street. I would have went home angrier than before and started thinking. Thinking about how wrong she was for what she said, how she doesn’t even care about me anymore because of what she said and why we were arguing in the first place. I would sit there stewing more and more every hour that passed. Crying excessively and calling and texting to try to understand why she was treating me so badly. For days (and sometime even weeks) my fury and fear of abandonment would take me through a bevy of emotional turmoil over an argument that happened days (or weeks) ago.”
Having BPD is like sitting on an eternal rollercoaster ride and you are NOT the operator. The intensity of the emotion I endure is equivalent to the phrase “crying over spilled milk”, in such that if I was to spill milk on my freshly mopped floor I will not only cry over the milk being spilled but sob excessively at how much of a clumsy idiot I am for spilling it. Then apologizing for spilling it while feeling like a loser for not having the wherewithal to hold on to a flippin’ cup and not spill its contents on the floor like a moron.
Over some damn milk, right?
You see the issue. Having BPD is like having an internal bully. Constantly calling you names and ripping on you and making you feel small. Then it turns into that bad friend, that’s your parents hate, who influences you to do things you know you shouldn’t. It then becomes your pseudo-companion that protects you when you need the least protection. Sounds like a pain in the rear, don’t it? Try living with it. Every darn hour, of every darn day, of every darn year. It’s exhausting.
My goal here is to educate the ignorant, inspire the suffering, and motivate myself to help others in the quest to find a peace of mind. Like a diamond in the rough. If my words help you then my intentions have been understood but if these word offend you, leave me a comment and tell me how so I may watch for that in the future.
If you’re a bully or troll and you just want me to die then you fully understand what I’ve been trying to accomplish my whole life but just haven’t been successful. Yet. So, too bad, I’m staying alive and now we both don’t like it.
I hope my words here and my future posts will help those with a mental illness but more importantly, their friends and family.
This is Moonlyte signing off: Make it a great day.
*Links in post courtesy of NAMI.org